Shaved Heads

There are moments when life just doesn’t make sense and the questions seem to pile up faster than any answers.

For some unknown reason, that seems completely silly to me at the moment, I had assumed that by mid-40’s things would have fallen into place. Sure, still plenty of hard work to do and hard life moments, but the sense of unknown and uncertainty would feel easier to navigate. Life would feel more stable to help withstand the storms. I’m not sure if it’s just me and I’m really banking that it’s not, but this stage of my life feels harder than I thought it would be.

What do you start to do differently when it seems that you’ve already done all the right things - went to school, good job, doing the family thing, trying to make smart decisions about the future, taking care of a home…it’s all pretty standard. Why does life sometimes feel anything but? Do I do more? Can I do more? I can’t imagine that doing less is the answer when already doing so much often feels like it’s not enough. It’s exhausting out here - both the doing of all the things but also the thinking about all the things. And I find myself stuck in this place of constantly moving between more and less.

Parent more here but also way less over there, as she needs the space to run and figure it out.

Save more, spend less, but there’s more important things to spend more on. Need less? Want more?

Eat healthier, eat more this, eat less that, drink more green tea, less caffeine, walk instead of run, lift heavier instead of lighter.

Work harder, work smarter but less days, less hours. Work more here to work less there.

Spend more time on this relationship, less time on that relationship. Less time, more quality. Small amounts of meaningful time. More time away, more time home. Less time to give.

Put in more energy here, less energy there. I feel like I can’t keep up with where to put in more and where gets less. Where do I hold on to more for myself, which means I put less into something but what?. I feel dizzy and overwhelmed trying to figure it out so by default I keep doing what I’ve been doing but that doesn’t seem like the answer either.

So here’s what I’m trying to figure out. How do I let go of the idea that it should feel different than it does and that there’s something that I should be doing different and instead do whatever it is that feels right, right now? It’s letting go of a lot of strategies that have helped guide me well in the past and that’s not easy. It’s starting over and keeping going at the same time.

So what’s the point? Here’s the reason I share all this. First I know it’s so easy to look around at other people and believe they got their shit figured out. Because of what I do and the privilege of listening to other people navigate their lives, I know that’s not true and even then it’s easy to get seduced by the idea that other people have it easier. They don’t. Life is hard, in a multitude of different ways for all of us. But for all of us, sometimes life is hard. I also share to say that although it’s feeling hard right now, it’s not all bad. It’s on the cusp of some pretty amazing things that are coming - big things, small things and things I don’t even know about yet, but know they are coming too. So like so many other things I manage to write about, it comes back to the Both/And of life. It’s hard and it’s good. It’s hard and yesterday was perfect weather that I soaked up. It’s hard and there’s plenty of room for laughter - either out of survival or joy, it doesn’t really matter, laughter is there. It’s hard and worth it, even when I don’t understand in the moment why.

So for anyone also feeling like life is on the hard side today, I encourage you to keep going. You aren’t alone in the hard stuff. I’ll keep going too. Rest well my weary friends.

With a tired but hopeful heart,

N

Let's Try This Again...

There are moments in life when you are inspired to step forward into an unknown opportunity and well, then honestly there are times it feels the universe is giving you more of a push. I’m feeling a push.

This push brings me to a place where I have to ask myself - do I push back, do I surrender to the push or do I step out of the way and into a new path altogether? Easy questions to be pondering if I say so myself. So let’s consider each…

Push Back - there’s always a bit of a fighter in me, especially when it comes to values and honoring what feels good and right in the situation. Like most people, I don’t like to feel pushed around so I have a natural reaction to want to self-protect - makes sense you may say. But here’s the thing - pushing back sometimes just results in a cycle of constant pushing back and forth and man, I hate a power struggle. But it’s hard not to push back because for me that voice sneaks in about being considered weak or easy to take advantage of - you know all of the really helpful, positive self-talk that is super helpful in these situations (thick sarcasm there!). So I’m stuck - I don’t want to push back because I don’t want to engage in the same behavior. It feels like a waste of my energy and a miss on my true intention for myself. I want to do it, but pushing back rarely feels helpful to me.

Surrender to the Push - my easy going, natural go with the flow personality likes the idea of surrender. It feels like floating in the ocean to me. I’m aware of the strength and power of the ocean but instead of feeling scared of being taken under, I feel supported and held in this weightless space between the water and the sun. That may sound really strange or close to bullshit for a lot of people, but if you get it, you know what I’m referring to. Surrendering to me doesn’t feel like giving up but a natural realignment with the flow of things that if I push against, will eventually just keep bringing me back or gulping for air. So having said all that, surrendering sounds like the right choice and to some extent I think it is in most situations, but here’s the thing - surrendering is scary. I don’t really know what’s coming or even sometimes what I’m risking. Surrendering take a lot of faith, belief, trust - in something outside of me, in myself, in belief in a thing that isn’t quite real or tangible. And all of those things feel fickle - one moment it feels easy to trust and believe and one moment uncertainty shows up I don't know what to do.

Step Out of the Way - change course, new environment, different focus. Why play the game when I can change games? There’s something empowering and freeing about the idea of just doing something different. Sometimes it provides the fresh perspective, new opportunity and change of pace that just allows the old to move on and the new to take root. Like cleaning out old garden beds, I don’t have to throw it all away, but I have to get rid of what is no longer providing for us and bring in new nutrients, new plants and new growth. It’s old and new at the same time. It’s moving forward with the same foundation I choose to keep but with enough new that something different grows. It feels there’s a lot of control in this option - I get to choose what to get rid of, what to keep and what to bring in. I get to scrap what didn’t take root or last through past seasons and start afresh - a new breath. And it’s lovely when the new takes root and turns into something beautiful and interesting. Reminds me of the one time I planted fairytale eggplant - they were so fun to watch grow and y’all they were tiny, in the prettiest shades of purple and made me happy. I never ate one though, and I didn’t plant them again the next season…lol. Was it a waste? I don’t think so - they brought me a lot of joy, but it didn’t take and it didn’t stick. I can brush off a $5 spring plant as worth the risk, but bigger things.- do I just scrap it and risk something new taking root but maybe not?

So here’s the thing I realize - regardless of what option I choose, there’s no guarantee and there’s no option that doesn’t cause me to risk something. I don’t have the ability to look into the future and know for sure what will come, and I don’t know if what I risk, will be worth it or not in the present moment. But this is what I do know - I am worth more than being pushed around so I don’t have to engage in that. I know the relief of surrender, it’s just deciding what I’m surrendering to and what I’m not. I know the joy of risking something and creating new, so I get to decide what risk I’m willing to take. It’s all of it. It’s both/and pushing, surrounding and starting anew. I’m not powerless and I’m not all powerful. I trust and I don’t know. It’s scary and exciting.

I’ll stop now because hopefully I made some sort of sense and found a point that resonates with whoever happens to read this, and recognizing writing all of this out, has allowed for me in this place of change some glimmers of clarity through all the clouds of uncertainty. Look forward and ahead y’all.

With a hopeful heart,

N

Living Uncertainly with Fear and Hope

So I’ve had the idea of putting some of my thoughts down related to the current situation that we’re facing, but I honestly just haven’t been sure what to say. So I find myself at the end of what I’ve called '“Week Two” and while my thoughts are necessarily more clear, my desire to share some of them has strengthened. So while none of this is scientific and none of it should probably be used to help you make decisions about your own life right now, here’s where I’m at.

My thoughts are complex and ever changing causing my opinion to seem to vacillate between confidence and occasional fear. I value being informed and making informed choices, but it’s so hard to know what to trust right now or what is right at any given moment. I seem to be coming back to the same annoying, unanswerable question. Where is the truth in all of this? Where is the answer? I like to problem solve and figure out how to maneuver through challenges, but there’s not road map, no decent reliable source of guidance here so I’ve been left feeling stuck. Ugh! There’s a lot of scary info and opinions out there and I don’t work well focused only on fear - it’s not who I am and not how I’m built, but it’s so hard to avoid and the energy behind it can be so easy to fall into.

I’ve been pissed every time I’ve had to write the words “COVID-19” in one of my therapy notes this week, because I honestly just don’t want to. But that’s what it is, that’s what the current situation is about, that’s what is causing change, fear, anxiety, difficult and fast transitions to happen, etc. So as I’ve seen people this week who are struggling in their own way with the experiences of how they’re being impacted, I’ve had to do it. A lot. So I’ve succumbed, but I still have feelings about it every time I do.

I have always valued my physical health. This is not a judgment towards others who are not in a place to make healthier choices for themselves, but for ME, I view my life as a gift and one that’s worth sharing. So my desire to live a healthy life as much as possible and procure my gift so it stays around longer and thus has more to share and experience, matters to me. My health isn’t about my appearance. It’s about how I feel, what I can do and what I’m meant to do. I want to live to be 100 years old! So I trust myself and trust my body and do as much as I can to be kind to it so it hangs around with me. As much as I’m consistent with that, I feel equally confident, stronger and able to live the life I know I’m meant to. So ya, I rarely get sick and I think my immune system is pretty good. I’m not impenetrable and I’m not oblivious to the fact that I can get sick, hurt or even die, but it’s not where I focus my energy or thoughts. I focus my energy and thoughts on what keeps me connected to life and to living well. These last two weeks have resulted in me questioning that on a daily basis. I don’t like it.

So what am I doing about all of it? I’m practicing patience. I’m trying to listen, really listen to myself. I’m trying to be mindful of what else I listen to and actions that help me feel informed without unnecessary or unhelpful emotion attached to it. Like all of us, I’ve slowed down. I’ve managed less. I’ve focused on what’s in front of me. I’ve made decisions about what I can only make decisions about now and am working to leave the rest alone for now. I’ve connected with the people in my small circle when, where and how that’s been possible.

I’ve also caught myself feeling afraid, defending myself, worrying about the future, being sad for all of the loss that we are experiencing individually and collectively.

This morning I did a meditation on acceptance and here is what I’ve been left with, and this may be the only part of this monologue that’s helpful to anyone else. ;)

When we resist things, we can’t find acceptance. So I’ve been resisting the fear, the unknown, the uncertainty these last two week and this morning in my meditation, I realize why I can’t find the peace I’m searching for. The things I’m resisting are real parts of this situation. They belong here with me, and probably with you too. While I know I can’t live in just those things, I can’t shut them out from this experience either. No matter how badly I want to only focus on the solutions, on the hope, on the right way forward that’s not the entirety of the situation. So if I’m desiring a more peaceful experience right now, I have to be willing to accept the good and the bad, and even the ugly. I have to hold competing truths together at the same time - which wouldn’t you believe this, I say that to clients all of the time! But I have to hold my fear and hope both. I have to hold my trust and belief with my uncertainty at the same time. I have to confidently make choices for today while also holding worry for our futures.

We’re in the gross middle of this situation and it’s exactly as it should be. While not easily and definitely not perfectly, my intention moving forward is to give myself permission to stand exactly where I am - in the middle. In the not knowing. In the hoping.

So while I hold fear and uncertainty with belief and hope, please know that I stand in the middle with you.

With the bravest heart I can manage,

N

Acceptance...Let's be honest, it's a Pain in the A$#!

“You do not always need to conceptualize, interpret or label everything that comes into your awareness.”

I heard that in a podcast recently and I don’t remember what I was listening to or who said it and I can’t guarantee it’s a direct quote of what was said, but it’s what I jotted down in my notes. And I’ve looked at it from time to time and it resonated with me then and still does. Especially on days my logical, planning, make sense of it all brain kicks into full gear. And when I realize the truth in that statement, it makes me come back to acceptance. Damnit!

Radical acceptance is about accepting life on life’s terms and not resisting what you cannot change. Radical acceptance is about saying yes to life, just as it is. (Linehan, 1993)

But what about all the things that I just don’t like or that are super inconvenient (for me!) or that are just plain uncomfortable? Those too? Yep, the key to acceptance is that you accept it all - the good, bad and sometimes ugly.

This is what I have found to be the most truly helpful though. When I accept things as they are in this moment, it frees me up to change them, if in fact they could be different in the future. It also helps me manage the things outside of my control, because honestly on most days my potential for impact lays pretty close to home. So when I focus on those things close to me, the things that I can see, hear, touch and speak to, then I suddenly feel more empowered to simultaneously accept that right now things may not be as I want them to be, but one small change can help move things to be more as I would like them to be. Not perfectly, not completely, but in some way that changes things. Small change can be significant change.

Accepting the present moment and at the exact same time accepting the future definitely has it challenges. I understand that sometimes the present moment feels too big or feels too hard and it’s easy to get stuck there. I understand that acceptance sometimes feels close to resignation. But with practice, you may find that acceptance actually gives you options.

The option to solve the problem.

The option to look at the problem from a different perspective. A new understanding, provides new opportunities.

The option to accept that maybe it’s not your problem to solve.

And what’s left at the end is the option to accept things as they are and to still be able to move forward.

Acceptance isn't the same thing as bliss so I won’t pretend that practicing acceptance is the same thing as happiness. But there is something powerful in the freedom that is attached to acceptance and in that freedom, you may find more of what you’re actually looking for.

If you’re looking for more information or resources on practicing acceptance, check out the work of Tara Brach. Here’s a link to a recording of one of her talks on acceptance.

https://www.tarabrach.com/genuine-acceptance-2/

With an accepting brave heart,

N

One Year Out.

It was one year ago this week that I officially made the move from full-time work in an agency to working for myself. It was a big move for me. You see, I’m the official Type-A, plan it out, focus on the details, schedule it, make it routine, create a pattern that you can rely on type of girl - all of that lets me sit well in my comfort zone, like snuggle up to it comfort zone. And it was a great job for a lot of great reasons. I knew how to do that job, and I think that despite all my human mistakes and shortcomings, that I was actually pretty good at it. I could have stayed and stayed for a long time. There were benefits, perks, reliability - again, a lot of comfort. But at some point, for a variety of reasons, it just wasn’t enough. And honestly, some days all that comfort felt strangely suffocating. But isn’t that what you work for - a good job, one that you can rely on, one that meets all your necessities and then some? For a while it was; until it wasn’t. But let’s be honest, it wasn’t the job that was the problem. It was me in it. I needed something different.

I won’t go into the entire story of how it all unfolded. The short and dirty details go something like this. Someone said, you should see clients in private practice. I said no. They asked again. I said maybe in 5 years. We talked about it again. I said, I don’t have the time or the space. They said they had the space. I made the time for one evening a week. I made the time for two evenings a week. I signed a lease for my own office. I quit my full time position, agreed to a part time one instead and here I am. That no, that turned into a maybe in 5 years, that turned into a maybe just a little and then into a yes, well that took a little over a year. In hindsight I laugh at that five year response because of where I am now. Silly me.

Here’s the important part of my story that I want to share though. For someone who rests easy with guarantees and finds comfort in the predictable, I was scared as shit to leave that full time job. I know that I can work hard. I know how to make a plan that looks good in theory and on paper. I can make smart decisions. I’ve had past successes with implementing new ideas and getting good outcomes. But despite all that, I couldn’t guarantee that this move I was about to make, was going to be the right one. I couldn’t guarantee I would succeed. And I DO NOT LIKE TO FAIL.

So why did I do it then? Because, I had to. And because, I believe. And when I get scared, that’s the reason I have the damn word tattooed on my arm to help me remember. I really do believe.

I believe that hard choices are probably the right ones.

I believe that the good stuff is behind, through and around the hard stuff.

I believe that when I fail and am feeling stuck in how bad it sucks to fail, that I can figure it out from there.

I believe that I’m not doing this life thing alone.

I believe that even though I can’t always see it, that there’s good stuff waiting for me ahead.

I believe that the work I do matters and that I’m meant to help others.

I believe in change.

I believe that change sometimes sucks.

I believe that things that suck aren’t automatically bad.

Well that’s not all I believe in, but that’s some of the stuff that propelled me into making this change and the same stuff that keeps me going. You see, even in the comfort zone, we still aren’t guaranteed the ideal. It’s easy to be fooled by that warm fuzzy feeling of comfort - the same way lingering in bed on cold, rainy mornings seems like a better idea than getting up and starting your day. And don’t even get me started on how bad I repel the cold and wet combination! Snow is like my worst nightmare! I had a really good job and I was really comfortable, but I realized that nagging feeling of needing something to be different was there because I wasn’t actually all that comfortable when I was honest with myself.

So here I am celebrating myself a year later. I’ve done some great work. I have had some rough days in the process. I’ve questioned myself a lot. I’ve told myself how much of a bad ass I am and that I am going to take over the world. I’ve had the priveliedge of meeting some phenomenal people that make me grateful to be human. I’ve grown. I’ve overcommitted and exhausted myself. I’ve cried. I’ve had a great time.

I do so strongly believe, but not just in me. I believe in all of us. And if you aren’t in a place to believe in yourself right now, know I’m still believing in you.

With an overly grateful, brave heart,

N

Don't let the size of my muscles fool you. This girl is coming at ya! ;)

108, Finding Opportunity and My 90%

In 2018 I tackled yoga teacher training. It was a bad ass experience, but that’s not the point of this post. In 2018 I also succeeded in taking 108 yoga classes. I was stoked and decided to repeat that for 2019. And I was making it happen. At first. Until life. 

In the fall things were going on that pulled me out of the yoga studio as a student. Most of the things happening where good things - I was teaching more classes, business was busy and we were traveling. But as I got closer to the holidays it looked like hitting that 108 mark was going to be tough. So like any good type-A personality, I got out my calendar and made a plan. I mapped out all the classes I could possibly squeeze in before the end of the year, some days planning to take back-to-back classes. With every class possible up until Dec 31, when I counted them out I was 2 short. TWO!!!??? Then came the cuss words. 😂 

I paused looking at my calendar again and for any other possible times. I just didn’t see them. So the next night instead of leaving work and heading to a class, I went home early. That Saturday instead of double-dipping, I took one class and went home to knock out some things that had been lingering on my to-do list. Then like a special fairy moment, I was reminded of some classes that I took that I probably wasn’t giving myself credit for. I went back and added them in and recounted. I could have made it happen, but by already altering my plan and not attending those extra classes I had fallen back behind. I struggled with it for a hot minute. I said unkind things to myself about being lazy on those days I could have gone and not sticking to my original plan. And then I realized something...

I was striving. Sometimes that’s not a bad thing, but sometimes striving for success muddles with perfection in my book. Sometimes striving results in me not taking care of myself the way I need to. So on December 31st, I didn’t hit my 108. All in all I think I still ended up abou 2 or 3 classes short but I’m not sure to be honest. So that was probably my last #90% of 2019. I made it a good one too. While I made it really close, at the end it just didn’t happen. And you know what, that’s ok. It’s ok that I showed up when I could and when I needed to, and that I didn’t when I couldn’t. It’s ok that I came so close but didn’t hit the mark. It really is ok. 

The best part is that today I started over. I have a new 108 tracker and hit two amazing (and super sweaty) classes this morning. I’m going to try again. Maybe I make it happen in 2020. I’d love to do it!! The funny thing about this process is that I’m really starting to see how all these 90% moments aren’t failures at all. Years past that’s the only way I saw them. That’s #2020vision for ya!! 

With a brave, imperfect heart, Happy New Year!

N

All Things Considered...

So here’s a few words of personal checkin and transparency coming at you. These last few weeks have been a doozy. As an individual, professional, mom, wife, friend - you name a role Nicole plays, and the universe has tossed me something unexpected. So you could say that things have been a bit stressful. You could say that I’ve felt a bit overwhelmed. You could point out that I hit my 90% mark of mostly getting there, only to drop the ball on the last 10% more than a few times. But you could also say that in many ways I am doing ok. Heck, more than ok. And for the sake of anyone else going through life with a lot on their plate right now, I will share some of the things that have helped me navigate this bumpy part of my journey.

Gratitude: I know it’s so cliche and we hear it over and over again, especially this time of year as we get closer to November. But for real y’all a few weeks ago when things started piling up and my daily schedule in my planner looked more like a puzzle game than someone’s actual life, I promised myself that I would focus on being grateful for the opportunities being provided to me. So while imperfectly, I have tried really hard to find appreciation in where I am. Yes my calendar is busy - but I’m thankful for what is being provided to me and offered to me in so many ways. Yes, I’ve really had to practice prioritizing and saying no to a few things - but I’m thankful for friends and a support system that understands that and loves me even when I cancel plans or show up but am kinda a hot mess. Gratitude doesn’t make the hard stuff go away, but it does allow me to see it with a different perspective.

The Best Version of Myself, Today: When I’m not running at my ideal pace and I know I’m not really able to show up as I would ideally like to, then I try to practice self-compassion. I truly believe in the idea that no matter what is going on today, that if I focus exactly what is before me in this moment and do the best I can with what I’ve got in this moment, then I can be content with myself regardless of the outcome. For me this present moment focus, allows me to shed some of the future anxieties and worries so that I can be fully present and less distracted. This usually allows me to tap into more of what I need to be the best version of myself in the current moment. It’s never perfect, I usually cuss along the way and sometimes I just have to be honest with myself and other’s that I’m not at my A-game but I’m still going to give it all I got. I find that when I do this things actually turn out better than I expected them to in all honesty. And most importantly to me, I don’t walk away feeling disappointed or ashamed of my infallibility.

Self-Care: I have said to countless people that when the heat gets turned up in our lives, that is when we really need good self-care the most but also the time we are mostly likely to let it go. Whatever regular self-care practices you have, if you’re like me, then when your schedule gets busy or you start feeling stressed, then those things get pushed down to the bottom on the to-do list. Well I’ve learned that lesson the hard way and in an effort to not consciously repeat mistakes I’ve already learned from, I’ve tried hard to maintain taking care of myself and meeting my needs. In some ways these are small actions - go to bed, get rest, eat an actual meal, breathe. But in other ways they have had to be bigger choices like to get on my yoga mat more days than not, to take an entire day for a quick trip out of town and break from the day-to-day, to take a day off to be with my family. It’s a bit counterintuitive to take time off when my schedule is slammed and I have more things to do than I can reasonably get done, but I’ve learned that if I take the time and give myself the much needed break, I can come back to do and be the person that I actually want to be when I show up somewhere. I’ve learned that laundry, clean floors and having a completed to-do list can get in the way of me feeling calm, centered, connected, content and energized. My strategy for sticking to this and committing to a bit of self-care when I’m really busy and stressed is that I plan for it and schedule it. I literally block out down time in my calendar, schedule a night to be home early or to grab dinner with friends. It goes in the calendar and I honor myself by not allowing something else to randomly become more important than what I need.

Looking Ahead: Change is inevitable and I remind myself of that when I’m in the midst of a busy, stressful time. The saying “this too shall pass” is a great reminder that wherever I am or whatever I’m going through in this moment, won’t last forever. I sometimes literally look ahead in my calendar and see those weeks or weekends ahead with nothing already planned. I look forward to some awesome things coming up over the next few weeks that will naturally give me some time to unplug and relax. I look for the balance to my current situation and if it’s not obvious, well then I walk my own talk and start to create the balance I’m needing.

So as I continue into the next few weeks and can already see some challenges ahead, I do so with a sense of internal capacity. Some days I’m tired and overwhelmed by it all, but honestly I know deep down that I’m loved, cared for and have the capacity to handle the life I currently have in front of me. I am committed to continue to find gratitude, to stay present focused while also looking ahead and to take good care of myself. Oh and to do it all imperfectly.

With a brave heart,

N

Update on My Early Mornings!

So it’s been a few weeks since I made the decision to get back on track with an early morning rise. Here’s how it’s going and what I’ve been doing in case you’re wondering (which you’re probably not) or in case you’re working on it yourself and find something I’m doing to be helpful (which is more likely)!

So my alarm has been pretty consistently set at 5:30am during the week for about the last 3 weeks now. I’ve not bumped it back earlier because for right now, I’m having good results with a 5:30 alarm.

Most days I’m actually out of bed by 5:45-5:50. At first I was downing myself for hitting snooze or taking my time in bed, but I’ve realized that allowing myself to wake up slowly is really nice. I’m not slamming my alarm off and jumping out of bed. I lay there, stretch, snuggle up for a few more minutes if it’s feeling chilly, I let my mind start become awake before I force my physical body. I’ve come to really enjoy those few minutes and have found waking up to be it’s own process. It’s nice.

Once I’m up I’ve had a few things I’ve gotten into a pattern of doing. I actually made a list of all the things I wanted more time to do when I started this process. Stretch, meditate, start my to-do list, organize my thoughts and day ahead, journal ideas, etc. I can’t say that I hit all of those every morning. But I am pretty consistent with some combination of those. But coffee comes first.

So here’s the thing about me and coffee. I really, really like it. I mean, I could drink it all day if I didn’t end up with a horrible caffeine rage in my body. But I do really like it, so I’ve been enjoying it more. Once I get up and actually out of bed and into the kitchen, I make the coffee and drink it first for enjoyment. I know the caffeine is going to start to perk me up, but in those first few minutes it just tastes good and is warm and comforting. During that time I try to check my calendar and schedule for the day so I can begin the process of aligning with my day mentally. This has been helpful because sometimes I gone from the house for a full 12 hours an every rarely are any two days alike, which means I have to be pretty intentional about what I’m going to eat that day, what I need to take with me, what my kid might need from me, etc. So taking some time to get my mind wrapped around the day ahead has been helpful.

While I have my calendar, I’ve started writing out an intention statement for my day. I’ve not jumped into journaling full force. To be honest, that’s not something that has ever come easy or consistently for me; but, I have found success most mornings with writing out an intention statement. As I think about my day ahead and what I’m feeling mentally, emotionally and physically I create a statement that says what I intend to do or be throughout my day. They are usually pretty short and pretty simple, but I think of it as setting my tone for the day.

I’ve also found that in that extra time in the morning I’m able to get a few extra household things in - you know all the boring and dreadful stuff that takes to run a household. I remember to take something out for dinner, I sweep the floor, I water my plants. While none of those things are life changing, they help me feel less frazzled and less like I’m neglecting some of the things that I do actually find important to be done. It also makes the to-do list more manageable on days that I do have a bit more time since I’ve done a few extra things throughout the week.

Added perks, some mornings I’m getting in a morning run or walk or easy yoga practice. I’m finding myself challenged here a bit because I don’t like running alone when it’s so dark out and with the changing season it’s still pretty dark out even getting close to 7:00 so I’m not sure exactly what I’m going to do about that, because I have really enjoyed that time when I’ve done it. This may look different with daytime savings in a few months, so I’m willing to be flexible with it. I think that’s kind of been key for me to be honest.

But all in all I’m liking the early morning and I’m pretty content at the moment with a 5:30am alarm. I might go earlier in the future if there’s a need, but I have no current plan to change that for the next week or two at least. It is definitely meeting the overall goal of making my mornings less busy and rushed, which results in just a better morning and start to my day.

If anyone else has been working their early morning or has tips/tricks or helpful ways that they spend their time in the morning, I’d love to hear about it!

With peace, grace and an early morning brave heart,

N

With Choice Comes Responsibility

Practice Choosing! While often there are more than just 2 choices in a situation, I challenge you to practice making intentional choice and not shying away from the responsibility of owning your choices in life!

In a previous post, I talked about conscious choice, specifically in the example of choosing to respond to a situation rather than react to it. One of the things that I think sometimes creates a barrier to making a conscious choice in those situations is the responsibility that comes with it. You see, when you react to a situation you can say things like “I’m sorry I didn’t mean that, I just over reacted.” There’s no real sense of responsibility for what took place in the moment. But if I start to practice being more aware and making a choice as to how I want to respond, then suddenly I’m responsible for that. The good, the bad and the ugly.

If I make a choice to honor my values, boundaries and desires for myself and my relationships and I respond in a way that aligns me with those things, what happens when someone doesn’t like it? What kind of discomfort am I willing to stand in? And can I also take responsibility for when I make a mistake and I react to a situation, but then want to come back and try again in a different way?

All of these questions and many more seem to plague us and get in the way of us responding in a way that we would really like to be able to. But here’s the thing to remember, there’s no single, solid right way to do this. You get to respond to situations in any way that feels right for you. You typically don’t have to justify it. You get to do it right, then at times mess it up and try again. And then you get to stand in the uncomfortable place of taking responsibility for yourself when you know it’s the right thing to do, but it isn’t well received by everyone. But you also get to take responsibility for trying again and not having to make an excuse for bad behavior because you’ve already been accountable to yourself, which honestly usually feels amazing.

My favorite part of valuing my own choices and being intentional about “owning" my choices, is that then I also get to own the results too. I get to celebrate my own accomplishments. I get to reap the benefits of feeling aligned, centered, self-affirmed and self-valued. I don’t have to get any of that from someone else. I mean it’s nice when the people in my life support those things and affirm and value what I’m doing, but we can't really rely on others for those things to start with.

So maybe there are some specific situations in your life that you have a hard time responding in a way that you would like to. Maybe you are being reactive in an effort to defend or protect yourself from something. I get it. But what would happen if you took the breath, and took that moment to choose…like really make a choice? And then you got to take responsibility for yourself, for your choice and your results. Maybe it doesn’t always end in rainbows and chocolate cupcakes, but I bet it will feel better. You should try it.

With a brave heart,

N

I'm Still Breathing...

You know the moment - the one that goes by all too quickly and leaves you regretting something you did or said. It happens so fast. This is what I refer to as a reaction. What if instead of reacting to situations, we responded. What’s the difference? Responding involves a conscious choice.

One of the ways that I have increased my own and supported others in increasing their capacity to respond instead of react is by using one of my very favorite personal resources - your breath. A long, slow, deep and intentional breath.

When we find ourselves in a situation and we are reacting, usually we are doing that because something has triggered our need to defend or protect ourselves from something. Sometimes that’s helpful - like if a ball is suddenly flying at your face, it’s good that we can react without thinking. You can avoid a broken nose. Fun fact...that actually happened to me a long time ago but my reaction sucked and my nose was broken in 8 places! But in general, that kind of reaction when it happens is a good thing. That same type of reaction though doesn’t usually work out so well when we are having a discussion with our partner, kids, boss, co-workers, family, friends…etc. If we react, even if it’s really an attempt to defend or protect ourselves, it usually damages the discussion and potentially the relationship if it keeps happening over time.

So back to the breathing thing…

What would be different if you could practice and train yourself to recognize those moments of potential reaction and before doing anything else, you took one of those long, slow, deep and intentional breaths? The kind that allows you to hit the pause button on what’s currently happening. And what if in that moment of pause, you were able to make a conscious choice about how you actually wanted to respond? What if nothing else, it kept you from acting like a jerk and saying something that you really didn’t mean or already knew wasn’t going to be helpful to you. Maybe you linger in that pause, and maybe you are able to see a better option of how to respond and you actually do that. Maybe you realize you have no idea how to respond but reacting isn’t it so you say something like, “I’m not sure how to respond to this and I’m going to have to think about it and come back to this discussion later.”

You see the breath, it’s a moment, and in that moment, it creates an opportunity. An opportunity for you to consider, to check in, to align yourself with your values and desires, to follow through with what you said you are trying to do. I mean you may still decide to respond like a jerk and while that’s not always going to be ideal, I’d rather you make that a conscious choice than feel reactive to what someone else is throwing at you. Unless it’s a ball - always react to that and do it quick!

With a brave heart (and a deep breath),

N