It was one year ago this week that I officially made the move from full-time work in an agency to working for myself. It was a big move for me. You see, I’m the official Type-A, plan it out, focus on the details, schedule it, make it routine, create a pattern that you can rely on type of girl - all of that lets me sit well in my comfort zone, like snuggle up to it comfort zone. And it was a great job for a lot of great reasons. I knew how to do that job, and I think that despite all my human mistakes and shortcomings, that I was actually pretty good at it. I could have stayed and stayed for a long time. There were benefits, perks, reliability - again, a lot of comfort. But at some point, for a variety of reasons, it just wasn’t enough. And honestly, some days all that comfort felt strangely suffocating. But isn’t that what you work for - a good job, one that you can rely on, one that meets all your necessities and then some? For a while it was; until it wasn’t. But let’s be honest, it wasn’t the job that was the problem. It was me in it. I needed something different.

I won’t go into the entire story of how it all unfolded. The short and dirty details go something like this. Someone said, you should see clients in private practice. I said no. They asked again. I said maybe in 5 years. We talked about it again. I said, I don’t have the time or the space. They said they had the space. I made the time for one evening a week. I made the time for two evenings a week. I signed a lease for my own office. I quit my full time position, agreed to a part time one instead and here I am. That no, that turned into a maybe in 5 years, that turned into a maybe just a little and then into a yes, well that took a little over a year. In hindsight I laugh at that five year response because of where I am now. Silly me.

Here’s the important part of my story that I want to share though. For someone who rests easy with guarantees and finds comfort in the predictable, I was scared as shit to leave that full time job. I know that I can work hard. I know how to make a plan that looks good in theory and on paper. I can make smart decisions. I’ve had past successes with implementing new ideas and getting good outcomes. But despite all that, I couldn’t guarantee that this move I was about to make, was going to be the right one. I couldn’t guarantee I would succeed. And I DO NOT LIKE TO FAIL.

So why did I do it then? Because, I had to. And because, I believe. And when I get scared, that’s the reason I have the damn word tattooed on my arm to help me remember. I really do believe.

I believe that hard choices are probably the right ones.

I believe that the good stuff is behind, through and around the hard stuff.

I believe that when I fail and am feeling stuck in how bad it sucks to fail, that I can figure it out from there.

I believe that I’m not doing this life thing alone.

I believe that even though I can’t always see it, that there’s good stuff waiting for me ahead.

I believe that the work I do matters and that I’m meant to help others.

I believe in change.

I believe that change sometimes sucks.

I believe that things that suck aren’t automatically bad.

Well that’s not all I believe in, but that’s some of the stuff that propelled me into making this change and the same stuff that keeps me going. You see, even in the comfort zone, we still aren’t guaranteed the ideal. It’s easy to be fooled by that warm fuzzy feeling of comfort - the same way lingering in bed on cold, rainy mornings seems like a better idea than getting up and starting your day. And don’t even get me started on how bad I repel the cold and wet combination! Snow is like my worst nightmare! I had a really good job and I was really comfortable, but I realized that nagging feeling of needing something to be different was there because I wasn’t actually all that comfortable when I was honest with myself.

So here I am celebrating myself a year later. I’ve done some great work. I have had some rough days in the process. I’ve questioned myself a lot. I’ve told myself how much of a bad ass I am and that I am going to take over the world. I’ve had the priveliedge of meeting some phenomenal people that make me grateful to be human. I’ve grown. I’ve overcommitted and exhausted myself. I’ve cried. I’ve had a great time.

I do so strongly believe, but not just in me. I believe in all of us. And if you aren’t in a place to believe in yourself right now, know I’m still believing in you.

With an overly grateful, brave heart,

Don't let the size of my muscles fool you. This girl is coming at ya! ;)